Forgive

I have not thought good of you

in secret I have cursed your name and called you darkness

laid blame at your feet as an insolent child throws down a broken thing for having disappointed them with being fragile

given your motives meaning without consideration

comforted wounds I allowed to form without want of understanding

denied any possible truth mingled in your own hurt for fear it would be true should I consider the slightest piece of them

I have spoken ill of you in anger

letting the cracks in my own visage give me excuse to cast venom into the universe at your expense though you never heard them all, I know, you heard them

justified rage without seeing the other side clearly

avoided conflict for the distaste of conflict only to realize in conflict lay the opportunity for peace

And I cannot call myself a citizen of light, if I give no room for it. I cannot call to happiness, if I give no fight for the things that deserve it. And perhaps most importantly, I cannot expect you to see me, as I want to see myself, if I give you no other visage to look upon.

For all this,

I apologize.

 

The year is ending

The year is ending.
Slowly days replay and readjust their meaning
into shadows of better and worse self.
I try to reject the possibilities
of my own wrong doing,
and yet, know
I shall repeat them if I do.
.
(Chorus)
What to do?
Who shall I be?
Have I truly forgiven?
Have I been forgiven?
Is compassion real?
Does anyone hear… me?
Can I change?
Will I ?
And you…  You in the mirror.  You who the prayer is for.
You who I have struggled to give name to.
You who keeps me up at night.
You who has laughed at my weakness.
You who has grieved with the only tears I ee.
You who has tried to forget…
tried to forget.
Oh how I have tried to forget.
And in my forgetting, I cast shadows.
 
And now I sit with the rain tapping on the window of a broken life.
Bright pieces still cherished by those who know and believe.
Cellophane tape sticking out of corners and begging
in one way or another for forgiveness of sins
realized, intended and not intended. 
Suffering with clarity, the life I have made.
What is this life I have made?
(chorus)

In one year

In one year

I raged, wept, laughed,
stumbled, flew, dived,
and drowned.

names carried

like selfish, friend, love,
blind, cynical, hurtful,
and superficial.

words languished

became silent, seeking, slippery,
sharp, frozen, cataclysmic,
and rude.

places survived

found regretful, hurt, lost,
pity, lonely, worry
and sink.

and still I seek

I rage, weep, laugh,
stumble, fly, dive
and drown.

a prayer to whisper

hopeful for compassion, longing,
loving, faithful, fruitful,
and true.

to abolish in the next

uselessly just, intent, fear,
doubt, victim, lonely,
and self-inflicted.

and remember

to float, breathe, lift-up,
forgive, forget,
and be

unsinkable again.

Woke up 

Woke up this morning

crying again

Wish I could call back 

every simple sin

Leaving my heart to break

And seep into cracks in the floor. 
Oooo

Saw you yesterday

Tried to stay away

Lingering scent left me a wreck
Said you can’t compete

Can’t touch me cuz of he

Left the imprint of your kiss behind

But I’m fiiiiiiine
[What will it take? (What will it take?)

To end this costly war (what’s it all for) 

Land mines in my soul (never let you go)

There’s no where else to go

No

I really must let you go

I really must let go]

In my dream I fled

To where darkness was instead

Slipping razor through the bend
Sharp hints of it will end 

Wishing you were near

So I could let go of this fear
But only ghosts live here

Only ghosts live here 

anymore
I woke up this morning

Crying again

Trying to forget 

My sin ….

Twighlight

I wonder if the stars get anxious

When the sun begins to crest

The edge of a world sleeping?

The moon of course is always touched

And on occasion visits her brother

But the star with no name

Save an account in some ancient book

Has no quarter but with darkness. 

Who notices her shimmer?

Who counts the moments she strives to shine? 

And should she weep, would even the sisters give comfort?

In briefest moments, she gives light and takes care of a wish drifting by

But twilight comes, as the celestial perfection emerges

So, I wonder, do the stars grow anxious

As do I?

Run

Press against resistance

deliver from moments left on the floor

scattered across the hall

I run.

Seething at darkness creeping

into photograph ghosts left hanging

littering walls with pain

I run.

run…

Where can I go
Where the images cannot touch memory
and memory not ravage tender heart bleeding?

and so I run
down halls with walls hung with tears.

… with intent.

%d bloggers like this: