The first haunting

(reprint from 2006)

Fortune Telling

I was eight, when I found a chinese fortune telling game on the bookshelf. I don’t remember where it came from and I am not quite sure exactly how it got to the shelf. What I do know is it captivated me. It called out of me curiosity and scoffed at the idea any such thing would hurt a cat. So, without hesitation, my hands found its edges and pulled it off of its safe ledge. I sat down on the floor to further examine this new found treasure. The images were slick, colored black and red, and the back spoke of the future if the cards were laid just so.

The future.

As an eight year old – the future was tomorrow and what concerned me most was if Sister Mildred was going to let us get out of math by telling us one of her ghost stories or if she was going to find the cheat sheet under Robert’s desk and make us do spelling for 2 hours.

Dealing Cards.

I shuffled. I mixed. With careful movements ushered chaos into the order of things. Then I lay out the plastic board and set the cards upon them in the order I was suppose to. Each card I flipped offered new adventure and hope. All except the last one. The last one was Death.

Death, Be not Proud.

I vaguely remember it saying I was going to witness death in an accident of some kind or be in an accident of some kind, or die in an accident. Nevertheless, at 8, that was a big deal. No longer the innocent of 10 minutes prior. Now I knew… death was going to find me. It was going to catch me by surprise. It was going to loom around me until I wasn’t looking. It was going to find


But I was eight. Weeks passed and Death did not grace my world. Soon I was nine, then ten… and before long the crazy chinese fortune telling cards were sold or lost or both. Death, had died.

Speaking of Death.

Or had it. Now at 33 I have seen Death’s masks. I have smelled it. I have tasted it. I have witnessed its hunger…. and it’s passion. I have seen its jealous hand maliciously move me towards hope only to reveal the object of my affection – in its sights.

and of Praying.

I do pray. I do hope. and silently, when the night air is thick with water so my tears cannot be so nearly felt, I ask for Death to meet me and discuss the terms of my affection’s release. But he never comes. I awake – with only sweat to remind me of the words that fell silently unheard or ignored.

Damn chinese fortunetelling cards.

describing self

I am like orange not quite made up on red
like blue with the hints of jealous green
waiting for a cloud to cover my sky
a brilliant piece of paper
for which to write a thought

I am like wind, not quite a hurricane
though at times one might argue otherwise
like rain left mesmerized upon a pane of glass
left to ask the question of what is next
as it trails after gravity

I am like a window not yet rid of rose
like hazelnut coffee filled with raving bits of chocolate
longing for cream to drip over and slip
and meander into a world
of smiles and sighs

I am clear
not yet transparent
glowing in the sun and
and reflecting moon
a revelation
of two thoughts
become one
as it reaches for the stars

I am blue not quite cian
a partly cloudy diamond sky
for bits of jealous suns to break through
and cast brilliant color
upon my skin.

see me, see you

Blind as the majority may be
I see you as you see me
beyond the headlines of obscurity
left to dwindle down the page
hiding in the chaos of everyday
where you see me and I see you.

Life plucked out
from momentary suspicion
innocently motivated
but nonetheless built
in submission
stand I
against you, against me
to see what others
blindly leave behind
in newspapers rotting
along the side of the road.

Conspiracy manipulates truth
deviates enigma of revelation
hiding in the lines of a minor character’s tale…
this is where I will prevail.
So read this and play for me
the tune I know you hear
for it is you who should hold fear.

Voices will not be quiet
along the hallways dim with
in this people’s sea
because I see you
as you see me.

And we are not afraid.

what i believe

I believe
in life, love, and
the pursuit
of every person
towards the destination
of their dreams;
in equality
for every person
without interpretation
and falsification
by any other;
in our differences,
they make us more
the same than many
want us to embrace;
in the divine,
the presence within
and without
echoing in the beautiful
voice of every song,
beyond understanding,
creed, sex, age, religion,
or politics.
I believe in happiness…

life, love, and
the pursuit
of every person
towards the destination
of their dreams.

bare minimum

over mediocrity
survival of
a normal
captivating simplicity
with religious legal-
sipped on summer days
and mid-way
through the country
striped in blue
bordered in red
wishing democracy was dead
I just wonder
how it all got this way
this middle of the road
don’t rock the boat
or make waves
in an ocean of people
each different
each divine
still they drink their wine
getting drunk on
the ideas of mr. in-between
gray squares
of same
and hallelujah.

So how did we get here?
Stripped naked